Harry Potter and the Hide and Seek Stone
by Just Mat
Summary: Action packed, humor filled version of Harry Potter and the philosopher's stone. Flying barbies and falling people guaranteed. Please R&R.
1. Chapter 1

**And the hide and seek stone**

Chapter 1: Mr. Dursley stood up. He had to go to work again. He said goodbye to his wife Retardia and his daughter Dudley, who was 1 year old. He tried to give her a kiss on the cheek, but apparently she didn't want him to, for she almost stuck his left eye out with her spoon. Her father just chuckled and walked away, rubbing his eye. He stepped into the car and drove away. On the way to work he had to stop and wait a lot of times. One time because two persons had died along the way, suffocated in the garbage cans on the corner. Their child had been kidnapped. Mr. Dursley wasn't sorry for them. They had to come up for themselves. And if they couldn't, well, then it wasn't his business either.

The second obstacle was one of those huge Ice-cream statues you can usually find on top of big Ice-cream shops. According to other people who had been waiting all morning, it had just flown over the road and had suddenly crashed. Mr. Dursley thought it was nonsense. The other objects were small, and not worth noting. When Dursley arrived at his office (He was the manager of garbage-bin producing company), he immediately started yelling at people (Which was his actual job). He yelled for the rest of the day and didn't see any of the frogs, flying past the window.

When he came home he heard that his daughter had learned four new words, which she was yelling at every moving object she saw. "Die, you freaky bastard!"

Mr. Dursley was so proud of her he gave her a lollipop, which made her say something different now. "Dbwie, dbwou breaky dwastard!"

He then watched tv with his wife. He noticed some things were out of the ordinary, but he didn't dare talk about them with his wife. So the day ended and everyone in entire England went to bed. Well, almost entire England.

Outside of the Dursley's house, was a little toad, sitting on their doorstep, waiting for someone.

That someone came a few minutes later. But before he walked towards the toad, he visited each lamp post and placed something one top of them. Then he walked over to the toad and clicked his tongue. At that precise moment, all the lamp posts in the street exploded soundlessly. Then they faded.

That's better. Now, tell me Minervea (Emphasis is on nerve) why are you sitting here at the Dursley's doorstep?"

The toad, who had just transformed into an extremely ugly woman, seemed surprised that he didn't know. "What do you mean, what am I doing here? I think this boy deserves better than these creatures. You should have seen them. Their son's an animal. And you want them to raise the savior of the world?"

Minervea, Minervea, Minervea, this boy's a nuisance. Have you never wondered why Loldemort tried to kill him?" Minervea accidently bit off a part of her tongue when she heard the name Loldemort. But she quickly cast a healing spell on herself when Dumbledore continued. "He had met the boy before, and he had spat in his face. And that was one of the minor things he could have done."

"But still," Minervea pled,"he saved our world, he defeated You-smell-who."

"Minervea," The old man said, "this boy will grow up. And when he does, you'll wish the dark lord had killed him. That is of course, unless we give him the worst treatment there is, and he'll learn to behave."

Right then they heard a low rumbling sound, and a triple-decker-bus fell from the sky. A tiny fellow, carrying a small bundle twice his size, stepped from the bus. "Hello Tumbledoor, hello Minervea, I got the boy here with me, safe and well. Nasty little brat it is. Almost bit my head off."

Oh, come on Hagrid, it's probably your own fault. You're a midget. You wouldn't know what to do with a child. Give him here. That's better. How are you doi-Auch. Die, you fingereating –"

"Calm down Minerva, calm down. I told you this would be the case. Now you see that I'm right, I'm sure you'll let him live with the Dursley's. Now, just put him on the doorstep and let's get out of here. I'm still planning on killing Dedalus diggle for letting those colossal Ice-cream cones fly around the town."

Minervea put down the baby and Tumbledoor put a letter on top of it. Then they left, wands at the ready. In case a wizard called Dedalus would suddenly turn up.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you all for reading my story. I also thank for the positive (And less positive) reviews. Iapologize for the mistakes I made in chapter 1. Saying that Dudley was Harry's niece, while she was his cousin. Well, that was it. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I own Retardia and Hernun and Harry's cousin. I also own Tumbledoor, Minervea and Hagrid as midget. Further I own Freaky singing and its scary inhabitant Loldemort. Harry and Dedalus however, belong to J.K.**

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Chapter 2: I just love living with the Dursleys

"Get up, you lousy scoundrel, get up!"

"Yes, Aunt Retardia," Harry answered lamely.

"I think you got me wrong, Potter. When I say get up, I mean get up NOW!" Harry's aunt screamed from under Harry's bedroom. For as far as you could call it a bedroom. Harry lived in England in a small town called Freaky singing in a big house at Letit Drive. In this big house there were 5 floors. First of all: the basement. This was were Harry's one month older cousin Dudley kept her collection of spare barbies which she used when her boyfriends came over to play. Harry was glad he was not one of his cousin's boyfriends because he often heard faint screams and yelps coming from the basement. Second of all: The main floor. The main floor exists out of five parts **(A/N: I know this part is boring, but I couldn't just skip the first floor. That would be like making a sandwich and skipping the mustard, or something else for people who don't like mustard)**. The kitchen, the entrance hall, the living room, the garage and the food store (A lot of food is necessary to keep Dudley satisfied). Third of all: Second floor. This is where some people sleep. With some people I mean Harry's aunt, uncle and cousin. There is nothing really special about this floor. Fourth of all there is the attic, which is entirely empty, apart from huge quantities of entirely nothing. And last and definitely least luxurious of all: Harry's home. A tent, attached to the slanted roof with C-quality nails. The tent contains an old tablecloth on which Harry can lie (Definitely not so bad once you get used to it) and a large bag filled with straw which can lie on Harry (Also not so bad once you get used to it). Harry doesn't complain however for he never knew a life that was better. But we were now at the part where Harry's aunt told him to come down. Unfortunately, there is no way down from the roof edge except for the hose pipe. But Harry is not allowed to use it on the way down because it will then break one point zero zero zero two six five zero zero one times as fast, according to uncle Hernun's theory. So, Harry would just have to jump down like every other peaceful morning and try to ignore the broken bones as much as he could. Harry sighed.

"I'll give you ten more seconds," Retardia barfed from below, "and then I will let your adorable cousin throw barbies at you." And she started counting down.

"Okay, Okay, I'll jump. Just keep her and her barbies away from me." And he jumped. Two seconds later he cursed himself for not looking where he was going to fall before he jumped and he tried to climb out of the cow parsnip (Big ugly pants which give you large burning blisters). He didn't know why his aunt grew these hideous plants in the front yard, but he guessed it was just one of her dark hobbies.

When he finally came out his cousin pushed him back (She could easily do this for she was much bigger and stronger) and laughed. "Hiehuioaehhuihaaehio. Why are you going back? Was it cosssssssssssy in there? And she laughed her horrible laugh again." When Harry came out for the second time he immediately ran to the front door and entered the house. He went to the bathroom and took off his extremely dirty clothes (His only clothes) and stepped under the shower.

When he had been in the bathroom for already ten seconds his Uncle Hernun banged on the door. Telling him to hurry up. Harry did and another ten seconds later he was standing downstairs with his clothes on, eating the cold leftovers of last nights meal.

Normally, Harry would call this a normal day. But not today he wouldn't. Today was worse.


	3. Chapter 3

**Again, I got some positive reviews. You asked me to keep up the good work, and I will try my best to. I apologize again for the spelling mistakes. Well, here it is, the chapter you've been waiting for, for a long time (Well, just a day, but still...).**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry P. or Dedalus Diggle. The rest is mine. I'm so proud, sniff.**

Chapter 3: The Barbie museum

Harry, Aunt Retardia, Uncle Hernun and Dudley went to the Barbie museum for Dudley's birthday, which was today. Harry thought it was incredibly boring. Dudley did not. **(A/N: Just so you know, I don't have any Barbies and I'm also not obsessed by them. I'm a thirteen year old male and I just needed something that was too frickin crazy for words). **

"Look Daddy, this Barbie is cool. Make it move dad, Make it move." Dudley, even though she was almost in high school, did not know that Barbies couldn't move, no matter how cool they were. The reason: Dudley had the IQ-rating of an extremely dull-witted, dead behind of an extremely dumb and slow to understand poodle **(A/N: No offense against poodles).**

But… Dudley, I can't make it move. It's a…" Uncle Hernun tried to explain to Dudley, taken aback. But he was roughly cut off.

"I want it to MOVE! Make it move. Make it move or I'll broke everything I see. And I'll also broke the things I can't see." **(A/N: I'll broke was not a spelling mistake of mine, but of Dudley's. So don't get me wrong). **

"Ehm, hey, look over there Dudley. It's an Ice-cream bar. How about I get you fifteen all double flavored ones." This was Uncle Hernun's way to distract Dudley from something when she got mad. This is why he always took Dudley to places where you could get Ice-cream, pancakes or french fries when it was her birthday.

"Mmmm," Dudley seemed to be thinking very hard, "I want twenty, daddy. I want twenty Ice-creams." Dudley demanded.

Of course honey, of course you'll get twenty. And you know why? Because you're daddy's little pumpkin." Uncle Hernun gladly accepted. He knew all too well how much damage Dudley could do once she was angry. And twenty extremely huge Ice-creams was a low price to pay to stop it. They set off towards the Ice-cream bar together.

Harry took a look at Dudley's so called cool Barbie. He thought it was hideous. Then something strange happened.

The Barbie looked up at him and said, "Hello."

Harry was taken aback by the speaking Barbie and couldn't say a thing. The Barbie continued to speak. "Can you please get me out of this cage?" And she waved her hand, indicating the glass box she was in. Then Harry felt something heavy colliding with his shoulder and the next thing he knew he was lying on the ground.

"Mom, Dad, look! It's moving." Dudley called to her parents. At that moment Harry felt a huge repulsion against his cousin. Then the glass vanished and Dudley fell forward, knocking the Barbie out of the way and landing on the pedestal in its place. When Dudley tried to crawl off the pedestal again the glass was back.

The Barbie that had just fallen from the pedestal came walking towards Harry and said, "My Ken! Sigh." Then she ran away.

When Harry looked back at his hated relatives he saw that his fat cousin was still inside the glass box on top of the pedestal, running out of air. He saw that his aunt was crying and telling the caretaker to get her little, cute whatever she said out of the box. And then he saw his massive uncle coming towards him, raising his massive fists.

"This is your bloody fault. And you're gonna pay for it." He panted.

"But I didn't do anything." Harry exclaimed.

"Oh, yes you did. You just don't know it."

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**Thanks for reading my story, I hope you liked it. Now, It's time for R&R. Please don't be too hard.**


	4. Chapter 4

**I love reviews, thank you all for sending them. Well, here is my next chapter. I know it took longer to make this chapter than it usual does, but my sister had a lot of working to do. But anyway, here is chapter 4. Enjoy it.**

**Disclaimer:I own everything in my story. Except for Harry P. and Dedalus D.**

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Chapter 4: A letter. 

Since Dudley's birthday Harry had spent a lot of painful nights. The reason: His uncle Hernun had removed his old tablecloth from the tent. Harry knew it wasn't his fault. He hadn't even touched the glass. But, well, it's hard to make that clear to the father of someone who's IQ-rating equals that of an extremely dull-witted, dead behind of an extremely dumb and slow to understand poodle **(A/N: Again, no offense against poodles). **

Two weeks before Harry's birthday, something weird happened. "Go get the mail, you ugly little twerp." Uncle Hernun demanded.

Nobody responded. "I said," he tried again, "Get the mail, you ugly little twerp."

This time, Dudley responded. "But I don't want to. Make Harry get it."

Hernun was now pretty red in the face, breathing fast and loud, because nobody understood him. "That's… what… I … SAID!"

Harry raised his head. "Where you talking to me?" He asked.

This was too much for the fat man. "Whiouahaarrrrrrrrrrghiungeant-rghaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" **(A/N: I hope that looks like a battlecry.) **

He jumped over the table. (looked something like this in slow motion: Step 1, he starts to get up. Step 2, he continues to get up. Step 3, He fin… (**A/N: Okay, enough of this crap.) **Uncle Hernun tries to jump over the table and grab Harry and that's it). Harry, who was too fast for him, thanks to a lot of training with Dudley, stepped aside.

Hernun screamed, "Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo," and tried to brake in midair, which he couldn't. He ended up with his left leg in the garbage bin, his head in the backyard, torso in the fridge, right leg in the entrance hall and both arms where they should be (**A/N: Don't ask me how he did it). **Harry had sped to the doormat, where the mail lay, to avoid a beating bigger than the one he was already sure to get.

There were four letters. One for Dudley, two for Hernun and one for… him. Harry looked at it. He had never had a letter before in his entire life. At that moment a very angry uncle came walking towards him. When he saw that Harry had a letter, he charged again.

"Whouiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaheiungdaarggghhhhhhhhhhh." (Another battlecry) Harry avoided a collision by jumping matrix-style through the crack under the door. Outside he was confronted again, by his broad cousin. She wore a ninja-mask and Barbie-sized clothing **(A/N: She didn't go on a diet. Talking about tight corsets). **She charged at him as well, throwing barbies at him while doing so. Harry needed to run, but he could only go back, where his uncle stood, or…

Harry jumped sideways, heading for the hose pipe, dodging barbies along the way. His uncle rushed after him, wanting the letter for some unknown reason. Harry finally reached the hosepipe. He started climbing, but his uncle climbed after him. Then the hose pipe broke, under the weight of both Harry and Hernun **(A/N: Especially Hernun's) **and Harry fell, clutching his letter tightly, not wanting to land, waiting for the inevitable crash… which never came. Harry looked around and saw he was floating in midair, heading for his tent. Then he was standing on the roof. He started opening his letter when suddenly… a black hand, stained red with blood **(A/N: For all not intelligent readers, I know my reviewers are not among them, that means one half of the hand is black and the other is red) **was clutching the roof edge. Then there was another hand, and another, and another. Then came the heads, two of them.

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**Hmmmmm,chapter is not as good as the others. At least, that's what I think. But don't worry, I'll make up for it in the next chapter. I hope you all enjoyed it and that you are going to review it for me. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks for the reviews. I just wanted to say: If you already reviewed, please don't stop. I enjoy them and they make me write much better. Thank you.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry P. or Dedalus D. The rest I do.**

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Harry Potter 5:

They started towards him, losing blood with every step. Harry held on tightly to the letter. He took another step backwards. He knew there was only one option. He had to give them the letter.

"Okay," He said, "I give up. Here's your stupid letter.

Uncle Hernun took it. Then he looked at Harry, angry. "Don't ever try that again." Then he turned.

Dudley followed him, but tripped, colliding with Hernun on his tour. They kept on rolling and Harry closed his eyes when he heard a loud crash.

He sighed and jumped down himself, landing on something soft **(If you don't know what the soft thing is, please put it in your review). **Harry entered the house. But before he could close the door behind him, he heard someone say: "That's my girl."

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It was Sunday. More letters had come, as well as more fights. Finally, Hernun had had enough of it and he had made sure no letter could enter the house. They hadn't had any letters for three days now and Harry had almost lost all hope. 

"How's your leg, Dudley?" Retardia informed sweetly. In the third fight, Dudley had tripped over one of her own Barbies and broken her leg in the process.

Dudley looked up, with a confused look on her face. "What do you mean, Mum? Nothing's wrong with my leg." And so she showed.

"No, huney," Aunt Retardia informed Dudley, "That's your arm. Your leg's the thing you walk on."

Dudley's face cleared up and she started smiling. "Oowh, it hurts mum, it really does. And that's Harry's fault. I want you to punish him."

Don't worry Darling, We already did. Didn't we Hernun?" Retardia said.

Hernun chuckled. "Course we did. Took the bitch's tent and bag" **(A/N: No offense against female dogs or their owners, or better even: No offense against any dogs. Try to remember this. It might prevent future confusion or problems. A thing I most certainly hate). **

"I want him to be punished more." Dudley screamed.

At that moment, a huge rumbling sound filled their ears. Dudley ducked under the table and started praying something that sounded like: "Ohmy,godtheinvasionisgermanagainstshhotinglaserguntachedtofrontporchspacecabhitler'sasbitchdie,no.,.?cantlivetosacrificealwayscheatcodeilovedonutspleaseearndeathwishsupersugarediceontopandbarneyinevermeanttooffendyoubarneysattackingrevengecantsupersugaredkillingdiedonutneedto…Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

Hundreds of frogs came down the chimney, black from the soot .

**(A/N: That was pretty weird, wasn't it. Let me explain. Dudley likes videogames and food. She brags at school about hating Barney and she cried Nooooo… because she mistook the frogs coming from the chimney for the aliens she had been praying to. Well, that's pretty much it). **

Harry saw the frogs were carrying letters. He tried to grab one. This was easy because the frogs were happy to cooperate. Harry was beaming. He finally had a letter and his relatives seemed too busy to notice. He started opening the letter…

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**Thank you, Thank you. Hope you all enjoyed my story. Also hope you want to know what's in the letters. Well, that's bad luck then. Cause Harry won't open them until second year, Muhahahaha. Sorry about that. Anyway, please read and review. Ow, wait. You already read it. Ahw, whatever.**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Flee!

Harry stood there, with the letter in his hand. His relatives running around the room in panic. Then something very unfortunate happened for Harry. His uncle, while flailing around, had hit one of the frogs. The frog flew out of course and hit harry square in the face. Leaving only it's hind legs out of his mouth. Harry let the letter slip out of his hand while he tried to get rid of the frog. The frog was also scared, for he felt harry's hand closing around it's back leg. It tried to get away, climbing deeper into the dark hole that was Harry's lung pipe. Harry almost couldn't breathe, and fell to the ground, choking. When finally no more frogs came down the chimney, Uncle Hernun stood up, seized Harry, and tried to kick the life out of him. This had an other effect however, and with the fifth kick, the frog came flying out of Harry's mouth. Flying away immediately.When Hernun saw the frog flying away, he seemed to change his mind. He let go of Harry and turned to his wife and his son instead.

"Get your stuff, NOW." Uncle Hernun bellowed. He seemed to be pretty angry, so angry in fact, that Dudley didn't even dare ask one of her barbies what her father was up to. And of course, he hadn't looked at Harry when words had come out of his mouth, for Harry had nothing he could pack. (Oh yeah, I just remembered. Harry has a scar on his forehead, formed like a pair of socks).

Harry and co. were sitting in the car. Uncle Hernun was driving, nobody knew exactly where, but they all knew they had to put their safety-belts on tightly. They all knew how well Uncle Hernun could drive.

"Daddy's gone mad, hasn't he?" Dudley whined.

"Always been, Huney, always been." Retardia replied, solemnly.

Harry looked out of the window; he knew he was going to be sick soon. He had never liked cars, and his uncle's driving skills didn't make it any better.

"Mommy," Dudley exclaimed, shocked, "I think Harry's gonna be sick."

"NO." Retardia shrieked, equally shocked.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY!" Hernun screamed. He slammed the brakes and they all looked at Harry in terror, backing away as far as they could.


	7. Chapter 7

**To be sick, or not to be sick, that was the question. I know it's a bit grose, but it just popped up into my head and I wrote it down. Here is the seventh chapter of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's stone. Enjoy it.**

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Chapter 7: The car crash.

Dudley opened one of the doors and jumped out of the car, they were still in the middle of a highway though and the driver didn't see Dudley in time. There was a loud crash and a lot of crying. Retardia and her Husband also jumped out of the car, starting to attend to a creature that looked a lot like Dudley, even though it missed part of its upper leg.

Harry looked out of the window. This was his chance, now was the time to run away. Then he remembered what had happened to Dudley after he had jumped out of the car. He started to laugh, suddenly all his sickness was gone, and he started to laugh even harder.

Far away, in a place unknown to Harry, sat a dark man (In other words: Someone from Africa). An extremely big man walked towards him. The man said: "Should I collect the… item?"

"There is no need for that, I already saw Jungle Book 2 yesterday." The dark man said, scowling.

"Not that item, sir. THE item." The big man tried again.

"You know I don't like horror movies, why would you let me watch Winnie the pooh and the stolen honey pot?" The dark man scowled even worse.

"Master, I'm not talking about a movie. I'm talking about it." The dark man said, desperate now for the other man to understand.

"Well, why didn't you say so before?" The dark man demanded. "Of course you have to collect it, and bring him with you as well."

At that, the big man departed.

**

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Who will the dark man be? And who is the giant? Maybe you think you know, but I'm sure you don't. Cause this is my story, and I decide who kidnaps Harry… ****Oops, shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry the chapter's so short (Pleads for forgiveness, huge puppyeyes and stuff).Well anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter, cause I did. And that means more people are gonna lose body parts, (Evil laugh). Anyway, please review.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Wazzzaaaaah! Finally, another chapter (Aaaaah, It's alive!). I know it took a long time, but I was in france, snowboarding, and there was no internetcafé. Anyway, please R,E&R(Read, Enjoy and review).**

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Chapter 8: More letters

Harry's relatives and Harry were all sitting in the car again. Suddenly, Hernun stopped the car short. Dudley, who wasn't wearing her seatbelts, crashed forward and flew through the window. The others also stepped out of the car. When Harry was outside, he saw the car was standing at the edge of a cliff. "Finally," Uncle Hernun said. "We're here."

"I already knew that," Harry silently mumbled."

"Where's my Duddy?" Retardia exclaimed.

"I'm down beer!" Someone called.

Harry looked over the edge and said. "Looks like Dudley's found us a boat."

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After they had all jum ped down, Harry, Hernun and Dudley were sitting in the boat. Retardia wasn't, for she had hit an underwater rock, and nobody felt like getting her out of the water. "Ber are be going, Daddy?" Dudley exclaimed, with lips full of glass.

"Somewhere no one ever comes, huney." Hernun replied.

"Where is that, Daddy?" Dudley pressed on.

"You'll see, Huney. You'll see."

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When they finally arrived at the Gatorade store, Hernun tried to light a fire. However, to his great disappointment, the shopkeeper burned just as good as the liquid. ´´Bloody owls, I´ll bet they won´t even come near Gatorade. And if they do, I´ll just have to throw it at ´em.

Harry felt queasy. He didn´t like Gatorade. Dudley looked as if he felt the same.

Suddenly there was a loud knock at the door, and Hernun grabbed his ammo. ´´Stay away, he called,´´ I´m armed, you know!

But the thumping continued. Suddenly, the door crashed out of its hinges, crashing the one who had been knocking. ´´Auch, the person yelped, in a high-pitched voice,´´ get that thing off me, or I´ll kill you all!

Hernun harrumphed. ´´How could you us when you´re under a door? Hernun demanded.

´´I´ll think of something, the voice replied.

´´Ha, Hernun cried, ´´you just stay there until you die, that would suit you right.

´´No, Daddy. Maybe it sells Barbies! Dudley exclaimed.

´´Allright, allright, I´ll get it out." Hernun said, clearly dissapointed. He walked towards the door and...

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**Cliffy! Hope you all enjoyed it and envie my writing skills (Touch of self selfconfidence). Anyway, if you want to know who's under the door, do review. Cause I aint updating till I got at least five. Mazzel!**


	9. Goddamn door

Everyone, it took a very long time. And I admit this is because I thought I was done with this story. When I read it again, after two years, I almost puked my guts out laughing. This is why I have decided to continue. I hope I have not lost my touch. Please R&R!!!!!!!!!

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Goddamn door!!!!

Hernun grabbed the doors edge and lifted. Under it lay the extremely flat body of... Retardia. "What are you doing here?" She asked.

"We came here to hide from the frogs" Replied uncle Hernun. Then Harry, the only person in the group with more brains than a hibernating snail, asked: "If you did not know we were here, what did you come here for? Do you like Gatorade or anything?"

Retardia's eyes widened, as did everyone else's. Hernun's eyes narrowed. "You!" He bellowed. "That's why I found all those bottles under our bed!"

Dudley said nothing, she just stared at her mother with absolute hatred in her eyes.

"You!" Hernun repeated. He made as if to grab for her, but his wife was faster. She grabbed a bottle of Gatorade and upended it over his head.

"You made me have to hide the fact that I liked Gatorade for all these years. I knew you wouldn't approve of it. I knew you would judge, and discriminate me. I was right. But now, now is the time. I admit it. I like Gatorade. I leave the closet with the doors wide open. Beware, I am coming out. And now, I will kill you." She went for another bottle, but her daughter cannoned into her.

"Gatorade witch" She screamed. They thought like mindless animals, which they were in fact.

Harry, who had not moved since he had accused his aunt of liking Gatorade, looked at his uncle again. Hernun was holding a huge vat of Gatorade above his head. He seemed afraid to use it though, for he might kill his daughter.

Then Retardia succeeded in throwing her overweight daughter off her with her underweight arms. This was Hernun's chance. He threw the vat with all his might, and hit Retardia square in her entire body. She schmacked against the wall, but she was still breathing. Harry guessed Gatorade was probably only lethal to people who didn't like it. Then Dudley was on her again, but when her hands met the unmoving body, she quickly pulled them back. "It burns," she screamed. "There's Gatorade all over her. I cannot touch her."

"What a great idea," Hernun said. "Let's burn her! Muhahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!"

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And this is how Harry finally got the opportunity to get warm. Strangely, Retardia burned better than the shopkeeper, although there wasn't an ouns of fat on her. Not even a miligram. Anyway, they managed to fix a cross with the help of some loose floorboards. Then they fixed the Gatoradedemon to it with the help of the Shopkeeper's teeth. They had also fixed the door back into place.

Suddenly, there was a loud knocking. Dudley jumped up. "More fuel," she said in a voice that would have scared Gax (Someone from Angria.tk). Then she walked to the door and reached for the handle. Before she could touch it though, it fell out of its hinges. Squashing Dudley AND the person standing outside while staying in one piece. Harry figured that the reason for this was that the door was cursed. After all, anything was possible in a Gatoradeshop.

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Wow, I think this is the longest chapter i've ever written. Anyway, please review. When I've got 3 more. I'll start on the next chapter. In the meanwhile, you can find me on www.Angria.tk. Muhahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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